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Aug. 19, 2024

What if the Key to Your Weight Loss Journey Lies in Your Emotions? Emotional Healing and Weight Loss

What if the Key to Your Weight Loss Journey Lies in Your Emotions? Emotional Healing and Weight Loss


Discover the powerful connection between emotional healing and physical well-being with our special guest, JJ Flizanes. JJ, a renowned strategist, dives deep into how early childhood experiences shape our subconscious and how unraveling these emotional blocks can lead to transformative physical changes. You'll learn about the critical roles of the adrenals and cortisol levels, and why stress reduction is not just a luxury but a necessity for achieving your health goals.

We'll also explore the intricate relationship between emotions, stress, and physical health, where high cortisol levels and negative emotional states can become roadblocks to weight loss. JJ shares compelling insights into why enjoyable physical activities trump grueling workouts and how chronic stress can manifest into serious health conditions. Through the heartfelt story of a cancer survivor, we illustrate the profound impact of addressing emotional baggage for overall health and well-being.

We also talk about the transformative journey of emotional healing by mapping core wounds and rewiring neurological pathways. Learn how shifting perspectives and reinterpreting personal narratives can lead to profound growth and resilience. From personal stories of overcoming childhood traumas to discovering new ways to connect with loved ones, we highlight the power of focusing on the positives to cultivate an empowered mindset. This episode is a masterclass in transforming your emotional landscape to achieve holistic health and wellness.

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Website

 
Bio
JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the creator of the Empowering Minds Network. JJ Flizanes works with conscious, spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises, she can curate a personalized roadmap to emotional healing.  JJ is passionate about empowering people with the knowledge and awareness of how they can live the life of their dreams.


She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, a best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine, JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, the CW and KTLA.

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Lynnis Woods-Mullins

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Chapters

00:00 - Emotional Healing for Weight Loss

07:14 - Healing Emotional Blockages for Health

15:46 - Rewiring Core Wounds for Healing

25:34 - Finding Peace and Changing Stories

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:01.304
Let's talk about a couple of these things.

00:00:01.304 --> 00:00:04.084
When it comes to healing emotional blocks, you mentioned weight loss.

00:00:04.084 --> 00:00:08.148
What does being healed emotionally have to do with weight loss?

00:00:08.148 --> 00:00:09.172
What's the correlation?

00:00:09.380 --> 00:00:23.352
So when it comes to weight gain and weight loss, I've seen many people over the years who have done all the right things, couldn't lose weight and then gained weight, and the people that just reduced their stress levels, made peace with their body and then lost the weight.

00:00:23.352 --> 00:00:32.820
And part of that, physiologically again has to do with adrenals and with cortisol levels and with this attachment to our body.

00:00:43.700 --> 00:00:51.146
Hi, I'm Glynnis Woods Mullins and I love to help women to vibe, to be more vibrant, intuitive, beautiful and empowered in midlife.

00:00:51.146 --> 00:00:52.868
So come on, let's vibe.

00:00:52.868 --> 00:01:13.064
I'm so excited to be able to talk with you about a subject that's near and dear to my heart, and that is the importance of emotional wellness as we age.

00:01:13.064 --> 00:01:22.322
You know, sometimes we think that that depression or anxiety or that stressed out factor or the triggers that we have in our life are things that are just the way it is and it's not going to change because you've been dealing with it for years and years and years.

00:01:22.322 --> 00:01:24.388
But the reality is that's not true.

00:01:24.468 --> 00:01:32.548
There are things that you can do, and I'm so happy to have with us JJ Fizans I hope I have pronounced that correctly.

00:01:32.548 --> 00:01:44.090
She is a strategist and the creator of the Empowering Minds Network, and she works with conscious spiritual truth seekers who want to remove those emotional blocks for success.

00:01:44.090 --> 00:01:56.034
She does a lot of clarifying exercises and she's able to help curate some personalized role maps for you to facilitate emotional healing, and I'm so excited to talk about this topic.

00:01:56.034 --> 00:01:58.885
Thank you so much for being on the Vibe Living Podcast.

00:01:58.885 --> 00:02:00.170
It's wonderful to have you here today.

00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:01.221
Thanks, Linus.

00:02:01.221 --> 00:02:13.343
I'm excited to share this information and hopefully inspire people to learn how to create a roadmap for emotional healing for themselves and to maybe adjust what they're doing so they can get better results.

00:02:14.126 --> 00:02:22.984
Yes, you know it's interesting because I think it really is true that we as women, you know, have a tendency to compartmentalize everything and thinking, oh, I'll get back to it later.

00:02:22.984 --> 00:02:33.127
Or it's not that big of a deal, because when we're masking, it's covering up the symptoms you know initially, but over time those symptoms just it's kind of like the emotional closet.

00:02:33.127 --> 00:02:40.143
You know, you stuff stuff into the closet and you go back and you open up the closet and you think I can put one more thing in there, but you can't and everything comes tumbling out.

00:02:40.143 --> 00:02:52.257
And I always say and I truly do believe this it's never too late to do something to try to emotionally heal, because emotional wellness is just as important as your physical wellness, if not more.

00:02:52.257 --> 00:02:59.133
So tell me about you and how you got to be so passionate about the need for people to have an emotional roadmap for healing.

00:02:59.580 --> 00:03:06.021
I've always been curious, my whole life been curious my whole life.

00:03:06.021 --> 00:03:23.153
I remember, maybe even in junior high or high school, sort of questioning why I reacted a certain way or why I felt the way I felt or why that person felt the way they felt, and although what I didn't know back then was sort of what is perpetuated in our society is victim mentality, we are very quick to blame outside forces and circumstances on how we feel.

00:03:23.153 --> 00:03:38.364
We do not understand what emotional empowerment or responsibility means, because we look at life and then we react to life and we don't understand that our wounds that were created from the time we were born until seven, when your brain is developing.

00:03:38.364 --> 00:03:40.711
You don't have a conscious brain until after seven.

00:03:40.711 --> 00:03:44.986
So between zero and seven your brain's just recording whatever happens in your life.

00:03:44.986 --> 00:04:02.264
Your parents don't show up, you cry, you record that I've been abandoned, you record that I'm not important, that I'm invisible, that I'm and it's not a choice Like we have conscious choice now to we can understand how to think and then maybe interpret or reinterpret something that we're experiencing, but we don't have that before seven.

00:04:02.264 --> 00:04:06.163
So those patterns, that's what your subconscious becomes.

00:04:06.163 --> 00:04:22.665
It becomes a whole bunch of belief systems created by you observing what's happening around you and making decisions without any other input about who you are in the world and who you are to your caregivers and, hopefully, how to get your needs met and then learning how to compensate to get that, and that all lives in our subconscious mind.

00:04:22.665 --> 00:04:33.706
So when you said that I would, I would pronounce that the emotional body is is where the healing happens, because the physical body responds to the emotions.

00:04:33.706 --> 00:04:42.384
So whether you're in a healing container, you're trying to heal something and you're in a stressful situation, you're not going to heal on that because we only hear, we only heal in parasympathetic.

00:04:42.824 --> 00:04:49.716
I have a 25-year background in personal training and I've been using my education in all things alternative medicine for years.

00:04:49.716 --> 00:04:53.048
I'm still doing it, but I'm not doing it the same way.

00:04:53.048 --> 00:05:04.531
I sort of branched into because of what I realized with all of my personal training clients and people who I was helping with rehabbing joints and with weight loss and with aging and menopause and the whole nine yards, that it still was a mental game.

00:05:04.531 --> 00:05:11.043
And I don't know if your audience knows about, or if you know about, a book called Radical Remission from Dr Kelly Turner.

00:05:11.043 --> 00:05:14.932
Okay, so Kelly wrote two books Radical Remission and Radical Hope.

00:05:14.932 --> 00:05:20.675
So in there there are 10 points, 10 pillars for radical remission.

00:05:20.675 --> 00:05:34.163
She studied 1500 people who had radically had remission from cancer or other terminal diseases and then she looked at everything they did and then compared the notes and across the board there were these 10 things that everybody did that helped their radical remission.

00:05:34.163 --> 00:05:37.519
Well, seven of them are mental, emotional and spiritual.

00:05:38.422 --> 00:05:41.850
You know it's interesting because you hear more and more about mindset.

00:05:41.850 --> 00:05:46.329
That's kind of like the new buzzword that's going on these days, but it really is important.

00:05:46.329 --> 00:05:56.644
The things you're yourself talk to, things you tell yourself how you think about things, how you encode the world emotionally this is information that you need to know and pay attention to.

00:05:56.644 --> 00:05:58.310
It's not it's it's.

00:05:58.310 --> 00:06:01.882
It really is more impactful than people really realize.

00:06:01.882 --> 00:06:03.463
Let's talk about a couple of these things.

00:06:03.463 --> 00:06:06.309
When it comes to healing emotional blocks, you mentioned weight loss.

00:06:06.309 --> 00:06:10.321
What does being healed emotionally have to do with weight loss?

00:06:10.321 --> 00:06:11.401
What's the correlation?

00:06:13.204 --> 00:06:23.550
So my latest book and I just recorded an audiobook, finally it's called the Invisible Fitness Formula Five Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame.

00:06:23.550 --> 00:06:27.079
It's called the Invisible Fitness Formula Five Secrets to Release Weight and Embody Shame.

00:06:27.079 --> 00:06:46.110
And while there are physical components that are necessary for weight loss and people can be doing those, however, and not get results, or doing those and start to gain weight, and that, in turn, is about our stress level, about our fight or flight, about our adrenaline, about our adrenal fatigue, about our embodiment of our body.

00:06:46.110 --> 00:07:00.944
So what I mean by that is a lot of people are walking around with their heads disconnected from their body, they are overthinking, they're thinking, they have to solve their problems with thinking and education and with their brain, and what they don't realize is that 88% of your subconscious is your body.

00:07:00.944 --> 00:07:03.791
Your body has all the answers, but you're not listening to it.

00:07:03.791 --> 00:07:14.041
It gives you signs, it gives you signals and if you don't answer those signals or pay attention, it will keep getting louder and louder until it takes you down, whether it be cancer or a heart attack or whatever.

00:07:14.502 --> 00:07:23.666
So, when it comes to weight gain and weight loss, I've seen many people over the years who have done all the right things, couldn't lose weight and then gained weight.

00:07:23.666 --> 00:07:28.514
And the people that just reduced their stress levels, made peace with their body and then lost the weight.

00:07:28.514 --> 00:07:35.002
And part of that, physiologically, again has to do with adrenals and with cortisol levels and with this attachment to our body.

00:07:35.002 --> 00:07:37.209
But just think of it from a personality standpoint.

00:07:37.209 --> 00:08:01.964
If you and as a personal trainer, this is why I wrote the first book Fit to, because I'd walk into the gym and I could feel you could palpate the energy in the air, you could feel who was in the gym working out because they wanted to, or they enjoyed it at some level or they liked it versus the people who, literally on the treadmill, you can hear them, even though they weren't saying it be like I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

00:08:02.225 --> 00:08:02.886
Oh my gosh.

00:08:02.886 --> 00:08:05.271
I'm so glad you're mentioning this, because there's something else.

00:08:05.271 --> 00:08:12.507
That's another kind of myth that a lot of women adopt when they think that they want to lose weight and the best way to do that is to go hard.

00:08:12.507 --> 00:08:16.990
Well, the problem with that, first of all, is that it raises your cortisol levels.

00:08:16.990 --> 00:08:41.491
You may get an opposite effect, but the other piece is that if you're really not enjoying it, it's not going to give you the results that you think that you might get by going hard, and instead you need to go ahead and do something that you enjoy doing, that gives you a sense of peace and comfort and it's fun, and not something that makes you miserable, because if it makes you miserable, more than likely it's not going to work as well.

00:08:41.491 --> 00:08:43.124
So I'm glad you mentioned that.

00:08:43.706 --> 00:08:48.107
There's something else you mentioned too what about, in terms of being emotionally well-informed, cancer?

00:08:48.107 --> 00:08:51.985
You mentioned about that study.

00:08:51.985 --> 00:09:04.758
It reminded me of another book called the Body Keeps the Score and how trauma and life experiences hide it in parts of our body and cause certain maladies as a result of that.

00:09:04.758 --> 00:09:10.657
So when it comes to these kinds of emotions that could lead to things like cancer and other kind of disease.

00:09:10.657 --> 00:09:16.517
How do the emotions impact that and what can you do to change that trajectory?

00:09:17.599 --> 00:09:18.822
Well, it's not even trauma.

00:09:18.822 --> 00:09:20.105
I mean, we all have trauma.

00:09:20.105 --> 00:09:24.000
It's really, it's like comparison, like it's.

00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:25.322
This is all I know.

00:09:25.322 --> 00:09:28.817
So if my trauma compared to your trauma, it doesn't like that.

00:09:28.817 --> 00:09:32.765
We don't know what it feels like to have different levels of trauma.

00:09:32.765 --> 00:09:35.640
We just understand that this is traumatic in my experience.

00:09:36.062 --> 00:10:01.321
So, just to make sure that people understand that cause, I have a client right now who is a cancer survivor and when we went back and looked at basically how she manifested her cancer and what, because I had made a statement that to my audience who knows, likes and trusts me because I wouldn't say this to anybody else, because you would hate me if you heard me say this, but the sentiment was really getting to the point of like, whatever dominant emotion you're living with is what's going to create your reality.

00:10:01.321 --> 00:10:03.447
It's going to what's going to adjust your chemistry.

00:10:03.447 --> 00:10:05.099
It's what's going to change your epigenetics.

00:10:05.099 --> 00:10:07.525
Whether you have a cancer gene or not, it doesn't matter.

00:10:07.525 --> 00:10:11.029
It matters that the environment that you're in expresses those genes.

00:10:11.029 --> 00:10:14.158
There's only six things that are genetic, six conditions.

00:10:14.158 --> 00:10:27.019
Otherwise, every other gene has the ability to be turned on and turned off based on your environment and based on how you feel, based on what you eat, based on what you think, but generally it's that sort of stress level thing.

00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:30.791
So when we look at her past, she didn't have any huge traumas.

00:10:30.791 --> 00:10:32.456
She just had general traumas.

00:10:32.456 --> 00:10:40.982
She had things that she was jealous about, that she was angry about, that she was frustrated about and she kept that going for years and the pressure of being a mom.

00:10:40.982 --> 00:10:42.065
In fact, I think you've had her on the show.

00:10:42.065 --> 00:10:42.846
It's Jane.

00:10:42.846 --> 00:10:45.216
Okay, yes, yes yes, yes Right.

00:10:45.275 --> 00:10:50.476
So Jane, who's a client of mine, when she came to me she was all about the physical, the physical, the physical.

00:10:50.476 --> 00:11:30.355
And I was like Jane no, it's not like we got to get off that path, no-transcript.

00:11:30.355 --> 00:11:35.567
She had this huge aha and therefore an emotional release, and then she cried.

00:11:35.567 --> 00:11:36.256
She's in the bathtub.

00:11:36.256 --> 00:11:38.302
And then she cried and she had this sort of like.

00:11:38.302 --> 00:11:48.484
She let go of it and then the next thing, you know, her A1C dropped, her blood sugar dropped and she has a monitor and you made a good point and I want to really drive this point home about the whole trauma.

00:11:48.504 --> 00:12:04.610
You're right, someone else's trauma could be, or somebody's trauma could be someone else's oh, no big deal, you know, trauma does not mean that you were in a car accident or in a violent act or had some major thing that happens, not to say that those things aren't traumatic.

00:12:04.610 --> 00:12:12.989
But we're talking about those things that are personal and traumatic to you, that you may not even know were traumatic to you.

00:12:12.989 --> 00:12:20.964
I have a reoccurring thought that happens whenever I think about this, whenever I'm talking about this, and I'm realizing that, okay, that was probably traumatizing.

00:12:20.964 --> 00:12:23.653
I was a ballet dancer for many years.

00:12:23.653 --> 00:12:26.400
I started taking it at four and got really serious about it at night.

00:12:26.400 --> 00:12:31.328
Now I don't know how much you know about classical ballet or training, but that in itself is traumatic.

00:12:31.328 --> 00:12:34.296
It's just you're having your body do stuff that it's not supposed to be doing.

00:12:34.296 --> 00:12:40.480
But anyway, I was at a rehearsal and it wasn't my time to be on stage and I just had to get out of there.

00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:45.365
We had been rehearsing for hours, which is ridiculous when I think about it, because I was only like 12 or 13.

00:12:45.365 --> 00:12:45.965
It's ridiculous.

00:12:45.965 --> 00:12:55.412
So, anyway, I go outside the school and as I am walking I see this man and he's just looking at me.

00:12:55.412 --> 00:13:12.240
So then I start walking faster and running and I could could sworn that I could see this man behind me walking and running, come to find out he wasn't, but that's what I saw in my mind and it was scary and traumatic to me, even though nothing happened.

00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:14.706
The man wasn't even noticing me.

00:13:14.706 --> 00:13:18.501
They called the police because I was so upset and everything else.

00:13:18.501 --> 00:13:18.923
I didn't rest.

00:13:18.923 --> 00:13:21.298
When they talked, he says no, I didn't even know, I wasn't doing anything.

00:13:21.298 --> 00:13:23.325
But that was traumatic.

00:13:23.325 --> 00:13:27.525
And I know it was traumatic because whenever I talk about trauma, that comes up in my mind.

00:13:27.525 --> 00:13:28.638
They were used to anyway.

00:13:28.638 --> 00:13:39.682
And so I, you know, worked with my, my therapist and peel back the layers and remove that blockage because it was causing other issues around dance and everything else.

00:13:39.702 --> 00:13:45.269
And even though I stopped dancing at 62 and I'm 67 now, if I wanted to go back to dance I would.

00:13:45.269 --> 00:14:01.096
I don't necessarily want to, but dance was one of those like labor of loves, with emphasis on labor I wasn't enjoying it as much as I should have been and that was the reason why, and I didn't even realize that it had had that impact on me, because it was nothing.

00:14:01.096 --> 00:14:14.278
It was a silly little 12-year-old, 13-year-old girl probably stressed out, trying to please everybody, working hard, dancing school and all this stuff, and it exasperated to this imaginary man running after me.

00:14:14.278 --> 00:14:19.799
That really wasn't, and it's these kinds of things that we think oh yeah, that was silly, I'm over it.

00:14:19.799 --> 00:14:21.405
Well, maybe not.

00:14:21.405 --> 00:14:22.700
So let's talk about that.

00:14:22.700 --> 00:14:27.004
Let's talk about emotional blockages, because for me that was an emotional blockage.

00:14:27.004 --> 00:14:30.503
How do we remove them and why is it important for us to remove them?

00:14:31.695 --> 00:14:42.490
Well, I mean, it's important for us to remove them so we can get what we want, whatever that is in different areas of our life, whether it be a better relationship, more connection in your relationship, a better relationship with your body.

00:14:42.490 --> 00:14:54.817
You know, the one thing I didn't finish just to cap off, that like that body image thing and weight loss is that your body, when you look at your body and you talk to it negatively and you say, hey, because no person.

00:14:54.817 --> 00:15:01.509
If I said to you, linus, you know, I don't like you, you're ugly, you're fat, you're stupid, why don't you change for me?

00:15:01.509 --> 00:15:06.076
Will you please change for me?

00:15:06.076 --> 00:15:07.099
You'd be like what the hell Like?

00:15:07.099 --> 00:15:07.961
No, I'm not going to change for you.

00:15:07.961 --> 00:15:09.144
Your body literally rejects you when you're mean to it.

00:15:09.144 --> 00:15:12.317
If you are not, shame does not make anything happen.

00:15:12.317 --> 00:15:20.409
Shame when you shame yourself, you literally your body, just like a stubborn child, is saying nope, I'm not moving until you love me for who I am.

00:15:20.409 --> 00:15:22.561
So you have to make peace with who you are.

00:15:22.561 --> 00:15:36.865
I have another client who just recently finally had a breakthrough with this whole mother-daughter weight thing and body image and she wasn't doing anything differently and she released some weight because of her attention to the love of herself, the acceptance of herself, so, anyway.

00:15:36.865 --> 00:15:38.998
So now in terms of the blockages.

00:15:38.998 --> 00:15:45.796
So that's why we want to remove these blocks, because obviously it's preventing us from getting or experiencing or being whatever we want to be.

00:15:46.317 --> 00:15:47.159
How do we remove them?

00:15:47.159 --> 00:15:48.624
Well, there's several different ways.

00:15:48.624 --> 00:15:58.366
Neurologically, when you create a pathway in your brain and, just like with exercise, if you do the same exercise over and over again, you get used to it, you get good at it, it becomes natural and it becomes normal.

00:15:58.366 --> 00:16:07.220
But there are a lot of other pathways that you can create.

00:16:07.220 --> 00:16:08.303
We can create new neural plasticity through.

00:16:08.303 --> 00:16:13.162
In fact, I created a program called rewiring your core wound patterns, because in order for you to have these changes, you have to do some rewiring.

00:16:13.162 --> 00:16:21.535
Now it's challenging in that it's normally somewhat uncomfortable, it's somewhat scary or vulnerable, but that's the whole point.

00:16:21.535 --> 00:16:23.159
It's like again, think of exercise.

00:16:23.159 --> 00:16:36.097
You're going to go do a sport or a new exercise for the first time and all of a sudden you're like oh my God, I didn't realize I had these muscles in this area, because you have this soreness of doing this new exercise that your body wasn't used to.

00:16:36.097 --> 00:16:42.359
Well, that's a version of creating new neural pathways for your muscular response to those exercises.

00:16:42.359 --> 00:16:42.921
So.

00:16:42.921 --> 00:16:44.144
So how do we do?

00:16:44.144 --> 00:16:45.626
It is really more personalized.

00:16:45.626 --> 00:16:45.967
There's not.

00:16:45.967 --> 00:16:56.554
There's lots of tools, but that's again why I created the roadmap to emotional healing, because so many people are doing similar tools, expecting same results as other people, and they're not.

00:16:56.554 --> 00:17:01.221
And you have to realize that your own journey is personalized and your.

00:17:01.623 --> 00:17:06.614
What you do next is Pilates needs to have a reason, a well thought out, with the expectation of.

00:17:06.614 --> 00:17:16.356
As a trainer, I used to have people who would go to Pilates and they would go to Pilates on the machine and they would expect that Pilates would have them lose a hundred pounds.

00:17:16.356 --> 00:17:18.492
And I'm like Pilates is never going to have you lose a hundred pounds.

00:17:18.492 --> 00:17:21.453
Pilates by itself or Hatha yoga, right?

00:17:21.453 --> 00:17:36.588
They just had this expectation that all of a sudden, I'm going to go to this class, I'm going to spend two hours or 90 minutes twice a week, three times a week, and I'm going to lose a lot of weight because I'm spending all this time Like we're not, we're not actually getting into.

00:17:36.588 --> 00:17:37.352
What do you expect from this exercise?

00:17:37.372 --> 00:17:40.284
So I think that it's a personalized plan, but let's just go over a little bit of what you know.

00:17:40.284 --> 00:17:40.905
What people choose.

00:17:40.905 --> 00:17:53.817
They choose Reiki, they choose therapy, they choose different kind of healing modalities, they choose yoga and all have a place, but they are all going to have a different place or maybe not a place in your own roadmap based on your core wounds.

00:17:53.817 --> 00:17:56.857
So, to bring it back to how do we even start this process?

00:17:56.857 --> 00:18:02.487
You need to know what your core wounds are because, I'm sorry, I don't care how many years you've been in therapy not you personally, but anybody who's listening.

00:18:02.888 --> 00:18:06.358
If you don't know what your core wounds are, what are you working on?

00:18:06.358 --> 00:18:07.824
Your circumstances?

00:18:07.824 --> 00:18:09.267
What happened yesterday with your husband?

00:18:09.267 --> 00:18:10.892
Or yesterday with your mother?

00:18:10.892 --> 00:18:12.174
Great, guess what.

00:18:12.174 --> 00:18:13.258
That all is about.

00:18:13.258 --> 00:18:18.827
Stimulating a core wound Because, like you said about the traumas, we all don't respond the same way to different things.

00:18:18.827 --> 00:18:36.109
How I interpret the world, what pains me is a wound, and if I don't know what that is and I don't know how to heal that or I'm not attending to it, then all I'm doing is managing circumstances and I'm saying, okay, well, in this circumstance, if I avoid that person and I just become this way, I won't get triggered.

00:18:36.109 --> 00:18:41.791
Let me manage my triggers instead of healing what's on the inside, so I don't have to try to control everybody around me.

00:18:43.272 --> 00:18:46.413
It's interesting because, you're right, people don't really take time.

00:18:46.413 --> 00:18:50.895
We are not very much of a peel back the layer society.

00:18:50.895 --> 00:19:09.544
We have a tendency to want to try to get well through, you know, treating the symptoms and not the causation, and the problem with that is that we start having other symptoms pop up because we're using pharmaceuticals or other methods that probably aren't as healthy to mask the symptoms.

00:19:09.544 --> 00:19:20.457
But now, after someone has identified those core wounds and they're ready to do some work and be vulnerable, what are some of the exercises or modalities or practices?

00:19:20.457 --> 00:19:21.539
Do you work with them on?

00:19:22.507 --> 00:19:24.176
Well, again, it's going to depend on the core wound.

00:19:24.176 --> 00:19:47.295
So, for instance, if someone has a core wound of being devalued, the first step, after understanding how the circuitry works because when we get triggered we didn't consciously choose to get triggered, it's a pathway that's been set up so our subconscious interprets a situation in a certain way that looks like our core wound and so we have this knee-jerk response, and it could be even in trauma situation with PTSD.

00:19:47.295 --> 00:19:50.864
It's the same thing, this knee-jerk response, and it could be even in trauma situation with PTSD.

00:19:50.864 --> 00:19:51.464
It's the same thing.

00:19:51.464 --> 00:20:11.029
You come back, you know a soldier comes back from war, here's a gun, a car, do a backfire on the car and it sounds like a gunshot and they go into panic, they go into sweating and their body's shaking because they have PTSD, which we all have a variation of PTSD right In smaller, in smaller degrees that we react physically, like our physical body has in a reaction because we don't feel safe.

00:20:11.029 --> 00:20:17.425
And that's what this all kind of comes down to is the principle that we have in order to heal, especially physical things, you have to feel safe.

00:20:17.425 --> 00:20:23.507
You have to find a way to learn how to feel safe in the world and to love yourself, and those are two things most people don't feel.

00:20:23.507 --> 00:20:41.486
So if someone has a core wound of being devalued, and now we understand how the circuit runs and I'm just going to grab real quick somebody's core wound map because I have with my clients I go through something called a core wound map and so that they understand so, for instance, okay, this, let's go with disapproved of, so this person, one of the core wounds is disapproved of.

00:20:41.486 --> 00:20:54.017
And when they when when disapproved of gets triggered, they go to feelings of embarrassment, lonely and hurt, and then they react by withdrawing, avoiding self-deprecating and being passive-aggressive.

00:20:54.566 --> 00:21:04.836
So when you understand the pattern that's the first step you can catch yourself in the pattern and go oh, I just, somehow my brain just made that mean that I was disapproved of.

00:21:04.836 --> 00:21:13.778
So you have to be able to create a little bit of conscious space between, and be an observer of your own actions and reactions and emotions to know that it's there.

00:21:13.778 --> 00:21:15.489
So you can go oh, that's what that is.

00:21:15.489 --> 00:21:20.109
Otherwise, if we don't see it, then we keep repeating the patterns in our lives.

00:21:20.109 --> 00:21:25.367
We keep repeating it with people, with work, with money, with our body, with our loved ones.

00:21:25.367 --> 00:21:27.334
So we have to identify the pattern.

00:21:27.654 --> 00:21:32.413
Then the second step in the map is for you to take responsibility for how you do it to yourself.

00:21:32.413 --> 00:21:36.537
So, just like anything, your core wounds happened when you were between zero and seven.

00:21:36.537 --> 00:21:42.204
Okay, that's fine If it was just one thing that happened, if your entire life looked differently because that created a belief system.

00:21:42.204 --> 00:21:46.711
But the problem is, we repeat that belief system, we believe it to be true.

00:21:46.711 --> 00:21:50.695
So then the question becomes to the person who is disapproved of.

00:21:50.695 --> 00:21:54.280
Well, how do you disapprove of yourself?

00:21:54.280 --> 00:21:58.195
So, identifying the ways we keep the pattern and the belief alive.

00:21:58.195 --> 00:22:08.317
So for this person, it was comparing herself to others and finding herself lacking, not accepting herself, without needing to be perfect, negative self-talk and to deflect compliments.

00:22:08.317 --> 00:22:11.250
So now we know how this stays active.

00:22:11.250 --> 00:22:18.776
This belief stays alive because these are the things that this person or somebody does in order to make it a belief that's very strong.

00:22:19.396 --> 00:22:21.709
So then the next step is how do I rewire that?

00:22:21.709 --> 00:22:27.589
Well, rewiring needs you to step outside of your comfort zone and do something to approve of yourself.

00:22:27.589 --> 00:22:31.077
So, for instance, a lot of people I might have them do some mirror work.

00:22:31.077 --> 00:22:37.711
I might have them like this person is a singer and I said well, go to a karaoke night and they don't have any problem doing karaoke.

00:22:37.711 --> 00:22:49.852
But I was like you know, go start putting yourself out there more often from the place of because I approve of me, because I think you know and I have her doing affirmations of the things that she does well or the things that about her that she likes.

00:22:49.852 --> 00:22:52.673
So you know, doing some journal exercises.

00:22:52.673 --> 00:22:57.698
It really just depends on, again, what the wound is and then what your habits and behaviors are.

00:22:57.698 --> 00:23:02.021
But then you can dial it back and say, well, what would it look like if I approved of myself?

00:23:02.021 --> 00:23:08.705
What thing have I said?

00:23:08.705 --> 00:23:09.528
I wanted to do that I'm too afraid to do.

00:23:09.528 --> 00:23:10.150
And you put yourself out there.

00:23:10.170 --> 00:23:18.726
In one of my last Rewire groups last year I had a chef and she had been trying for 20 years to put herself out there and have her own business and by the end of the three-month program she had her own business and clients.

00:23:18.726 --> 00:23:24.965
But it took 20 years the first 20, because she was in this cycle of repeating the patterns.

00:23:24.965 --> 00:23:36.376
But when we looked at it and she understood it, and she understood that in order for me to heal this, I have to go into a place where I'm uncomfortable, I'm afraid, and if I do that a couple of times, that's what creates neuroplasticity.

00:23:36.376 --> 00:23:38.773
Then it's easy and now it's easy.

00:23:38.773 --> 00:23:43.832
So now there's no shame, there's no fear about putting herself out there, and now she has a business, finally after 20 years.

00:23:43.832 --> 00:23:45.757
So that's the personalization.

00:23:45.757 --> 00:23:54.990
The rewiring is absolutely personalized, but you know things from any.

00:23:54.990 --> 00:23:57.280
Anybody can benefit from mirror work or ho'oponopono or affirmations, or, you know, doing things that are physical.

00:23:57.280 --> 00:23:58.023
Everybody can benefit at some point.

00:23:58.023 --> 00:24:02.356
But to the degree that it's going to actually heal your wound is again a personal exploration.

00:24:03.384 --> 00:24:06.307
Yeah, thank you so much for that explanation, because it makes a lot of sense.

00:24:06.307 --> 00:24:24.539
I've heard a lot about NLP and I've taken a couple NLP classes, and one of the things that I'm struck with is that many times the solutions to some of these issues are simple, but it's all about the implementation and consistency in the belief system that makes the difference in terms of how impactful it is.

00:24:24.539 --> 00:24:52.696
And that's when you know working with a coach or someone like you really makes a difference, because it really isn't something that, if you really want it to be long lasting and leveraging the effects to the maximum, it's really something you want to do with the help of someone else, because you know we see ourselves one way, another person sees us another way and there's just things that we're just not seeing because we're not ready to see it, or we just don't see it.

00:24:52.696 --> 00:24:56.134
So I think that's wonderful that you're providing that kind of help.

00:24:56.134 --> 00:24:58.210
Now you do this virtually as well.

00:24:58.210 --> 00:24:58.971
Is that correct?

00:25:00.054 --> 00:25:01.257
I do it only virtually.

00:25:02.567 --> 00:25:03.872
Okay, okay, fantastic.

00:25:03.872 --> 00:25:04.473
Where are you?

00:25:04.473 --> 00:25:05.477
Are you in California?

00:25:05.905 --> 00:25:06.066
I am.

00:25:06.528 --> 00:25:07.411
Okay, great, so am I.

00:25:07.411 --> 00:25:08.515
I thought so, okay.

00:25:08.515 --> 00:25:13.770
So then we have on our show page all your information so people can get in touch with you.

00:25:13.770 --> 00:25:25.892
And I want to encourage people to check her out, because she has a very unique style and delivery that I think will resonate with most people, because sometimes you need someone that's kind of like boom, boom, boom.

00:25:25.892 --> 00:25:33.748
This is, and we kind of need to.

00:25:33.748 --> 00:25:37.496
You know, can I use this word without people getting political?

00:25:37.496 --> 00:25:38.018
Get woke.

00:25:38.018 --> 00:25:40.049
Okay, don't take it to the other thing.

00:25:40.049 --> 00:25:40.711
You got to wake up.

00:25:40.711 --> 00:25:41.212
What about that?

00:25:41.212 --> 00:25:46.320
You got to wake up, and you know when you're trying to wake somebody else up, you're not.

00:25:46.320 --> 00:25:48.048
And you've been trying for a while, you're not.

00:25:48.048 --> 00:25:49.153
Oh, come on, johnny, wake up.

00:25:49.153 --> 00:25:50.510
You're like wake up, johnny.

00:26:02.345 --> 00:26:03.087
I'm about speed and efficiency.

00:26:03.087 --> 00:26:04.151
Not speed, but really more efficiency.

00:26:04.151 --> 00:26:04.551
Yeah, I can see that.

00:26:04.551 --> 00:26:10.991
Well, I've been working on this process for years and I have, and over the years of working with groups and working with people, I, you know, you you assume that people learn the way that you learn, most of us do, until you're teaching something.

00:26:10.991 --> 00:26:16.334
And then, when you're teaching something and you see that you learned it this way and they're not getting it, you're like okay, how do I need to say it differently?

00:26:16.334 --> 00:26:22.930
And so, over the years, there are some people that, like, when I figured out my own core wounds, it was in how I started.

00:26:22.930 --> 00:26:26.707
All this was because I started my podcast and I did this work to save my marriage.

00:26:26.707 --> 00:26:30.537
Now, my marriage wasn't meant to be saved, but I was meant to do this work.

00:26:30.537 --> 00:26:31.586
So I was meant to learn this.

00:26:31.586 --> 00:26:32.887
I was meant to do this work for myself.

00:26:32.887 --> 00:26:38.676
But when I went through this my work for myself, but when I went through this, my ex-husband would tell me all the time there was a behavior that I had and he'd say you know, that doesn't work.

00:26:38.676 --> 00:26:45.625
And intellectually I was like, I know, like I did.

00:26:45.625 --> 00:26:50.209
I knew I wasn't lying, I knew it didn't work but for some reason I couldn't stop myself.

00:26:50.209 --> 00:26:50.750
I kept doing it.

00:26:50.750 --> 00:26:57.134
But then when I saw my core bone patterns I was like, oh my God, I've been doing this, my whole of it has changed Sometimes.

00:26:57.134 --> 00:26:57.894
It's that simple.

00:26:58.015 --> 00:27:04.180
I had a client once in another program before the rewire started, and we did this work, corwin work and everything and do the map.

00:27:04.180 --> 00:27:12.586
And he was someone who had, he was an alcoholic ex, like drug addict, alcoholic, and he was going through a divorce.

00:27:12.586 --> 00:27:17.115
But then he was still in his therapy talking about this anger he had about his dad and I was like, hold up, let's back up this story that you're telling.

00:27:17.115 --> 00:27:18.215
I don't think it's true.

00:27:18.215 --> 00:27:25.061
And I gave him a couple different things to look at and one of them is love language and really from his point of view, versus his dad.

00:27:25.343 --> 00:27:37.094
And within one conversation, within 24 hours, he went from having pain that he had for 30 years about his dad that made him destructive, violent, self-abusive.

00:27:37.094 --> 00:27:38.758
He was out of that.

00:27:38.758 --> 00:27:43.336
But in one conversation, when he saw it from a different point of view, he reinterpreted it.

00:27:43.336 --> 00:27:51.288
He had never felt the love that he had felt at that moment from his dad and from here on in that story completely changed.

00:27:51.288 --> 00:27:56.450
The story of my dad didn't love me turned into my dad loved me and I feel his love for me.

00:27:56.450 --> 00:27:57.714
He was, he had passed on.

00:27:57.714 --> 00:28:05.515
But that's the power of changing the story, that's the power of having a different interpretation and so many of us walking around with the same damn story.

00:28:05.684 --> 00:28:06.307
Same story.

00:28:06.307 --> 00:28:11.768
Yeah, I do understand that I had made a conscious decision that I would stop changing the story.

00:28:11.768 --> 00:28:13.092
I would tell about my mother's death.

00:28:13.092 --> 00:28:19.127
My mother was hit by a fire truck on her way to work and the reality is fast forward, 35 years later.

00:28:19.127 --> 00:28:22.536
I would not be doing what I'm doing now had that not happened.

00:28:22.536 --> 00:28:32.198
So out of something that was really really tragic, something really beautiful developed and I've been able to help literally thousands of women over these last 17 years.

00:28:32.198 --> 00:28:45.855
So that's the story I decided I would start telling because I realized I said, wait a minute, you know, it's been 30, well, this time at the time it was like there's been 30 years and you got to stop taking yourself through this thing that you go through.

00:28:45.855 --> 00:28:49.798
It starts in January because she died in March and it was her last birthday.

00:28:49.798 --> 00:28:51.520
I go through this every time in my mind.

00:28:51.520 --> 00:29:00.632
You know, got to stop all of that Because there were some good things that came out of this tragedy and it's really when I grew up and became a woman after my mother died.

00:29:00.972 --> 00:29:07.174
I was only 31 at the time, but she was still around, so I was still in ways After she was gone.

00:29:07.174 --> 00:29:09.306
I had to figure out how to raise my.

00:29:09.306 --> 00:29:12.974
You know, at that time I had two girls, or two, yeah, I just had a baby.

00:29:12.974 --> 00:29:19.955
I had three girls, had to figure out how to raise them without my mom's wisdom, you know, and I thought I would never, ever have another child.

00:29:19.955 --> 00:29:21.219
I ended up having another girl.

00:29:21.219 --> 00:29:23.711
You know that I raised totally without my mom.

00:29:24.132 --> 00:29:30.574
So, you know, it's amazing the things that you can do when you begin to start telling yourself a different story.

00:29:30.574 --> 00:29:41.759
Even if it's uncomfortable at first saying that sort of story to yourself, it's like, yeah, that's true, but isn't that mean to say that, you know, you're glad, I'm glad my mother died?

00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:42.519
No, I'm not.

00:29:42.519 --> 00:29:48.125
I'm just saying this is what actually happened as a result of this, this is the good that came out of it.

00:29:48.586 --> 00:29:51.309
And, like I tell my kids all the time, I like to focus on what's working.

00:29:51.309 --> 00:29:52.972
You know, focus on what's good.

00:29:52.972 --> 00:29:55.516
Sometimes it might have only been one little thing.

00:29:55.516 --> 00:29:56.597
You know, I didn't.

00:29:56.597 --> 00:30:00.212
I was taking a walk, there was a pothole and I didn't step in it.

00:30:00.212 --> 00:30:01.798
Well, hey, that's good.

00:30:01.798 --> 00:30:03.846
Think about what happened if you had.

00:30:03.846 --> 00:30:07.315
You know, sprained ankle, can't walk, gain weight, you're miserable.

00:30:07.315 --> 00:30:09.446
Boom, you know, but that was all avoided.

00:30:09.446 --> 00:30:10.347
Focus on that.

00:30:10.347 --> 00:30:16.994
Yes, I know the stove's not working, your husband's an asshole and you don't have enough money in your checking account.

00:30:16.994 --> 00:30:21.059
I get it, but there's always something in our lives that we can focus on.

00:30:21.059 --> 00:30:25.115
That's positive, that can help you search for other things.

00:30:25.115 --> 00:30:43.416
And when I listened to what you were saying about blockages and all that and core wounds, once you've identified the core wounds, it makes it easier for you to begin to start looking for as to be, you know, probably a sophomoric, but to be able to tell a different story, to be able to look at your life in a different way.

00:30:44.566 --> 00:30:47.594
You know the laws of the universe and quantum physics and law of attraction.

00:30:47.594 --> 00:30:50.592
You you can't change until you make peace with where you are.

00:30:50.592 --> 00:30:53.074
You have to make peace with where you are for where you are to change.

00:30:53.074 --> 00:30:56.895
So it's not possible to complain about your life and ever have anything different.

00:31:02.444 --> 00:31:03.244
That's right, absolutely.

00:31:03.244 --> 00:31:04.046
Wow, you're amazing.

00:31:04.046 --> 00:31:05.047
Thank you so much for being on the podcast today.

00:31:05.047 --> 00:31:06.266
I know you probably have helped so many people and you just got through helping more people.

00:31:06.266 --> 00:31:12.826
You just got to help me, talking to me about some things and confirming some things, so thank you so much for being with us.

00:31:13.508 --> 00:31:15.892
And thank you to all of you for joining us on the podcast.

00:31:15.892 --> 00:31:31.224
It's always great to get together and talk about those things that maybe we think about but we really don't talk about them, and I highly recommend that you, you know, take, check her out and take a look at all the links that JJ has and, you know, maybe schedule a consult to find out if this is something that can help you.

00:31:31.224 --> 00:31:37.391
I do know that every single one of you us have blockages somewhere that we haven't addressed.

00:31:37.391 --> 00:31:38.372
That's just how we're made.

00:31:38.372 --> 00:31:40.394
That's just how we do the thing.

00:31:40.394 --> 00:31:43.676
You know, there's lots of things that we just don't deal with.

00:31:43.676 --> 00:31:49.682
And also, I'll have some links also to some of her bestselling books that could be quite helpful as well.

00:31:49.765 --> 00:32:00.093
Remember, it's all about adding to that toolkit and figuring out what's going to help you along your path, Things that are going to help you be more vibrant, intuitive, beautiful and empowered.

00:32:00.093 --> 00:32:01.417
Things are going to help you vibe in midlife.

00:32:01.417 --> 00:32:04.210
Thanks so much for listening and don't forget to vibe.

00:32:04.210 --> 00:32:05.012
Bye-bye everybody.

00:32:05.012 --> 00:32:28.778
Thanks for listening to the vibe living podcast and don't forget to subscribe, like and comment and share this podcast.

00:32:28.778 --> 00:32:30.223
Have a fantastic day and don't forget the vibe.

00:32:30.223 --> 00:32:31.167
Bye, bye, everybody.