WEBVTT
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How did you get the motivation to change and to also turn on a dime, like you've been doing?
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Wow, that has definitely been a journey.
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And you know, I have an inscription on my wall that you know, before I got remarried was on my wall to remind me, because I like having those motivational quotes around my house, because really words have power, right, and the Bible even talks about that.
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So what we pour into ourselves, you know we begin to digest that.
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And the quote that I have on my wall says enjoy this, enjoy this moment, because this moment is your life.
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Hi, I'm Lennis Woods Mullins and I love to help women to vibe, to be more vibrant, intuitive, beautiful and empowered in midlife.
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So come on, let's vibe.
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Thank you so much for all the downloads, all the subscriptions, the likes and the comments, and please let's keep this going, because I have lined up for you in the year 2025, some fantastic interviews.
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In fact, I don't know when you'll be listening to this, but it doesn't matter, because all of the interviews I do are, what we would call in the business, evergreen.
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They're relevant for whatever time you might be listening to it.
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And today's topic is definitely relevant because it's something that we all think about or should be thinking about as we go through this whole aging process, this wonderful, fantastic vibe aging process.
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And what I'm talking about is our own self-care and self-love, and I know you hear a lot about that.
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You throw it around, but let's face it the whole idea of self-care and self-love is different as you age.
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It's a different kind of midlife experience, and so that's why I'm so glad to have with us Dr Janae Bishop-Nesbitt.
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She is an education, productivity consultant and coach and basically she helps individuals facing stress and burnout to thrive, recharge and rise by enhancing their resilience, boosting their productivity and fostering work-life harmony.
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I can't wait to get into this topic.
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It's wonderful to have you here, dr Janae.
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Thanks so much for being on the Vibram podcast.
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Oh, you have an amazing podcast and I feel so humbled and blessed to be on your podcast.
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Thank you for the invitation.
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Well, thank you.
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Tell us a little bit about you and your background and how you got to be so interested in the whole idea of helping midlife women when it comes to stress and burnout and the whole idea around all of that, especially as we age.
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Oh my, thank you so much.
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Well, you know, I'm a native New Yorker who happens to be living in South Carolina right now, and when I was in New York of course that's a hustle and bustle type of place and so I got used to operating from that pace.
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And then I joined the military.
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I was an officer in the Army and as an officer you're in charge of many different things and of staff and what have you.
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And so, again, I got accustomed to just juggling a lot of different things, and I was of the mindset that I'd rather multitask.
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And we're finding now that that may not really be a good thing.
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But while in the military, got married, had kids and, as many women out there are aware, when you're married, have kids and you have a profession, that is a juggle as well.
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And so I, ultimately, after 28 years, I became widowed, I changed careers, I moved to another state and again juggling a number of different things, and I came across this research by the National Wellness Institute that was focusing on the eight dimensions of wellness.
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And so there I was in midlife looking at how was I going to reinvent and restructure myself.
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So I took those eight dimensions and wrote a couple of books and looked at how was I going to move forward, and so I realized that part of me creating that holistic life for myself was probably something that a lot of women going through what I've gone through in many different chapters of my life were going through, and that's what I feel so passionate about being able to share that with folks.
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And so, as a result, I got remarried in midlife, established a new career in midlife, love living in South Carolina in midlife, and I just encourage everyone out there as well that it's never too late to create that better version of yourself, get that vibe and make the rest of your life the best of your life.
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You know, it's really interesting too, because there is definitely a flipping of the script, a switching, a transition, a transformation that happens during the midlife experience.
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So let's talk a little bit about that.
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What are some of the unique challenges that you think that most women go through during their midlife experience?
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Oh, wow.
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I would say that probably the biggest challenge is realizing that they're not alone.
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You know, oftentimes we think that we're the only ones that's going through it, but maybe when I look at what's happening with women in midlife you know it's career choices, it's personal choices doing when we were a couple of decades younger, or even just last year we realize, wow, this isn't really fulfilling me.
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I don't feel that this is my purpose.
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When we look at our personal lives, we may be realizing that we're caregivers, we're also having to take care of ourselves and for many of us, maybe even neglecting ourselves.
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But then we also might be in that in-between stage where we have children who might have boomeranged back at home and we're trying to ease them out of the nest, but then we may be becoming grandparents.
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So there's a new facet to our parenting role and how we see things in life as we're moving forward.
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So that career impact, the personal impact, and then the idea of realizing that your self-care is not selfish Arjo Lord, an activist, is quoted as saying self-care isn't selfish, it's self-preservation and realizing that it's so important to take care of ourselves so that we can pour into that old career or new career, so that we can pour into those family responsibilities, so that we can pour into that new version of ourselves.
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The reality is this we need to realize that we can pour into that new version of ourselves.
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The reality is this we need to realize that we're all living longer God willing, right and so it's so important that we not only live longer, but that we have a quality of life, so that when we look at that person in the mirror, we're saying, yeah, I did the Don thing and it's not too late.
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And it's not too late.
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You know a lot of midlife.
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The midlife experience really is realizing that not only do you have a lot of experience and you've been through a lot of things, but you also have developed something that has kept you thriving, which is what you call the key to thriving, and that is resilience.
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What are some strategies that you talk to women about when it comes to enhancing their resilience?
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Oh, my fabulous question.
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I think a key mindset to have is that especially women in midlife, who may be juggling career, personal life and other things, is realizing that there's no such thing as work-life balance.
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You know, I prefer to embrace the mindset of work-life balance.
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I prefer to embrace the mindset of work-life harmony.
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So it's so important for us in midlife as we are trying to create work-life harmony, which differs from work-life balance in that work-life harmony is more of a holistic approach, because you're never going to be able to say, well, I'm going to put 25% here, 25% there, 25% there, 25% there.
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It's never going to really be balanced.
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When I was going through graduate school, my family went through it with me because I was placing so much energy in getting that degree or getting that promotion when I was working in the school setting as a principal.
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So when we look at the definition of work-life harmony and working holistically, there are a couple of things that women need to consider, and that includes setting clear priorities, identifying what's most important in both our personal lives and in our professional lives, and understanding that our core values impact how we identify what's important in midlife.
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A second thing that I would want women to consider is to embrace flexibility.
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Sometimes we get in the mindset that, you know, we have to be rigid.
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This is the way that I've always done it, so I've always got to do it that way.
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But no, not so.
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The one constant in life is change.
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A third thing to consider, too, is practicing mindfulness.
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You know, even the Bible talks about being still, so that we can hear and move forward in the way that we're to go, and so that may simply be meditation, deep breathing exercises or simply taking moments to check in with yourself during the day.
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And here's another interesting thing, too, that comes up in the literature it's about creating dedicated spaces.
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So many women are working remotely inside of the home, or they may be working outside of the home as well, but have that dedicated space.
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And in that dedicated space, like I love your background, have it, have items, art or pictures of family members that really pour into you emotion.
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You know.
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I so agree with that.
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I absolutely agree with that.
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One of the first things that I did when I left corporate America.
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It was an intrinsic thing.
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I really didn't know what I was doing.
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I wish if I had started you know my business 18 years ago.
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There was like no, nothing around that could support me in training me to do what it is that I wanted to do.
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And back then you know, ignorance is bliss I didn't know.
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I was so naive, I didn't know that what I wanted to do wasn't being done.
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I didn't even know what that was.
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But one thing.
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I intrinsically knew was I needed to have my own space, a space where I can go and be quiet, where I could go and come up with ideas, where I would feel safe and not necessarily have to explain myself to anyone.
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And I realized that sometimes, in situations where we may not have the space to do, you know a place with a door, but you can have a corner.
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You can have a part of a room that is your space.
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You know a chair set up there with a lamp and plants and where your favorite book, your favorite, throw a place to put your feet up.
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And everybody knows that when you go to that corner of the room that that's off limits to anybody else, that's your quiet space, your quiet time.
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Or maybe you go there after everybody's gone.
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But the whole idea is creating that space, that energy that's just for you, that supports just you, that feeds into you.
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And I think every woman should have that, because actually having your own space, that own special little corner of the world that's just for you, is a great way to boost your productivity, because I know in midlife sometimes it's hard to be productive.
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We're playing so many roles and we've got to begin to start thinking of some life hacks to get our things in while we're helping everyone else.
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What kinds of things do you do, do you talk to people about when it comes to boosting their productivity in midlife?
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Oh.
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So I want to share with people how important it is to set healthy boundaries.
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One of the things that I've struggled with over the years is that no is a complete sentence and being able to set those boundaries as it relates to work or as it relates to your personal life, and that's so important because that enables us to set aside and schedule time for the self-care, the hobbies, the relaxation, and those got to be non-negotiable items, because if we don't pour into ourselves, we're going to have an empty cup and not be able to pour into other things as well.
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Another thing to consider is the mindfulness and the meditation.
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You know for myself, I have very short meditations in the morning after I do prayer.
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Some women that I've worked with, they embrace devotion.
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I love that.
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I do gratitude journaling, but just an opportunity to be able to jumpstart your day in a way that comes from stillness.
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Something else to consider, too, is physical activity, and it doesn't mean, you know, joining a HIIT program or a bootcamp, necessarily, but regular exercise.
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You know, the literature tells us that if we have exercise that we actually enjoy doing, whether it's dancing, walking I have a friend who got into salsa and she and her husband loves it, or even swimming, if you're a member of a local gym or the YWCA, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most of the days of the week, and that mind-body connection is what's going to really help us moving forward.
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Another thing to consider, too, is social connections.
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You know, research has shown that there is longevity attributed to individuals who have social connections.
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Sometimes, as we age, gracefully, some of us may tend to retreat and become more introverted, maybe because our personalities that we perceive has changed or our physicality has changed.
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But those social connections really helps us immensely.
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You know, years ago, when I became widowed and you know I'm oldest and the only girl in my family, one of the oldest grandchildren, oldest cousins, so I was accustomed to having to operate on my own to put things in place.
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But when that traumatic experience occurred, I went through not only one but two grief counseling programs in order to be able to work on.
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Who is this new version of myself, now that I'm not married, widowed, now that I'm empty nested, now that I'm changing careers and such, and I tell you, being a part of those two support groups really was transformational for me.
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That's why I love what you do.
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You know you have membership program, you have your Facebook page, you have your podcast, and that lays a foundation for many women to come together.
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That being said, I don't want to leave out healthy lifestyle choices.
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You know we're going through menopause, the hormones kind of shift, and it used to be a time where I could just say, oh, over the weekend I'm going to eat in such a way or drink more water, and everything just kind of dribbles off right.
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That was my much, much younger years.
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But then when we get into a certain stage of life and our hormones kind of shift, it takes a little bit more effort.
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So I definitely emphasize to individuals the importance of having proper nutrition at this stage in life, the importance of our sleep hygiene, getting enough sleep, and the importance of hydration.
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You know how much we drink and being able to stay hydrated is really what keeps our metabolism going.
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Additionally, I want to encourage everyone to pursue your interests.
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You know, even though I was moving out of the career as an administrator in education and moving into coaching andlife, it can be very exciting.
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You know the fantastic 40s, the fabulous 50s, the sassy 60s let's just do the darn thing.
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As you were talking.
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I was just thinking about the fact that, yes, you've gone through a period in your life of embracing change and emergence and I want to talk more about that, but first we're going to pay some bills, as they say, and we'll be right back with Dr Jenea, and you're listening to the Vibe Living Podcast.
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This is Lennis, and we're going to vibe with our sponsors for just a second.
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Okay, fantastic, right before the break, I had asked you about the idea of embracing change and emergence.
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You know, when I came up with the idea of vibe the first year it was being vibrant, intuitive, beautiful and emerged, and then I changed it to being vibrant, intuitive, beautiful and empowered.
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I switched them back and forth because in midlife there's a certain emergence that begins to happen, there's a certain awareness that, hey, I want to do more or, hey, something's missing, but there's definitely an oh hey, that happens, you know, as you go through that midlife journey.
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So when you think about that, tell us a little bit about your emergence, because we met on Clubhouse, we did.
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Bit about your emergence because we met on clubhouse, we did.
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Yeah, that's right, you were just a voice on the other side, this beautiful voice and the energy as you can tell listeners, right, all you vibrators out there, doesn't she have that just energy?
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You can't, you cannot feel unjoyful, you cannot feel unenergetic and be around dr janae, I mean, you just can't do that.
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She just has that effervescent personality.
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How did you get from being going through the widowhood and the loss and all the changes to how you are now?
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I know you mentioned that you went to some, went to grievance, coaching and all that, but there were other things that you did too.
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How did you get the motivation to change and to also turn on a dime like you've been doing?
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Wow, that has definitely been a journey, and I have an inscription on my wall that before I got remarried it was on my wall to remind me.
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Because I like having those motivational quotes around my house because really words have power, right, and the Bible even talks about that.
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So what we pour into ourselves, you know, we begin to digest that.
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And the quote that I have on my wall says enjoy this, enjoy this moment, because this moment is your life.
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And see, in my earlier marriage, one of the things that I thought was okay, I'm going to get these degrees, I'm going to get these certifications, I'm going to get these job titles and I'll worry about enjoying life later, as though we have any control over that.
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And then, when I saw that I went through life-making plans but of course God makes the final decision I said, oh, I got to go ahead and focus on being present in the now.
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And so, for me, being present in the now was taking into account what the National Wellness Institute had researched, which was called the eight dimensions of wellness, and, for those who may Google it, because I didn't create it, but it was so transformative in my life it identified holistically how we can look at different aspects of our lives and work on that as we're moving forward.
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So here I was, this woman in midlife, and I decided well, you know what, I'm going to capture this in my writing.
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So I wrote a couple of books, but I'm going to, more importantly, implement it in my life.
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And so in those eight dimensions the first one I'd like to share and be mindful of the fact that they're all interconnected.
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You know, it's not exclusive of one another, necessarily, but there's spiritual wellness, right In these eight dimensions of wellness, and for me, that meant me embracing regular prayer, that that embraced a yoga meditation.
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It doesn't necessarily mean what religion you ascribe to, but how do you get yourself centered in this space, in this experience we call life, and doing that regularly, and for me that was prayer and gratitude journaling.
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Then there's physical wellness, which is one of the eight dimensions of wellness, and that involves how am I taking care of myself physically?
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And that involves my nutrition, my hydration and my sleep.
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So, as a result, I'm more of a plant-based eater, although I love fish and shrimp, things of that nature eat beef periodically.
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Hydration I make sure that I get at least 64 ounces of water and sleep because of my hormones.
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That's still a work in progress, but those three things are so critical for our physical wellbeing.
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And then there's emotional wellbeing, which is what I love about spaces like yours, and that deals with making sure that we are pouring into ourselves in a way that empowers us emotionally.
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So that may mean embracing coaches, embracing counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists you know, in my community, the African-American community, sometimes people embracing counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists you know, in my community, the African-American community, sometimes people you know give you that side eye about pursuing counseling and therapy and really that's how we can heal emotionally.
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Then you mentioned earlier about the environment.
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Well, the research talks about, you know, whether you're recycling and such, but I took also homage on the fact that my environment had to have things that were empowering me, and I love, again, your environment and the things that you said earlier.
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So I had to surround myself with positive quotes and sayings and then I started collecting different types of artistic crosses, things that would empower me, and in fact I have several scriptures in my house for Jeremiah 29, 11.
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That's my favorite.
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Birds of a feather.
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That's my favorite.
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In fact I have it on my on the front page of my website Jeremiah 29, 11, because it says, for those of you who may not be as familiar, and Jeremiah 20, 11,.
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It says that God has placed you on this earth to live a life of joy and abundance.
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That is our birthright.
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That's why we were created and I have.
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I'm all about seeing things.
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I have all of my walls.
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They can't see this side.
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If someone were to see this side, they probably would think I was a little schizophrenic, because I have all these different scriptures and affirmations and all this stuff.
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But it works for me because I sometimes, you know, we go through those periods where I'm not feeling that great or not motivated and I just look up and start thinking that, ah, seek the Lord and his strengths and seek his presence continually.
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Okay, have I done that today?
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Not really.
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You know.
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It reminds me of who I am and if you're not a Christian or not into the Bible affirmations, that can I really do believe that when it comes to living any kind of life, but especially in midlife, you have to take a holistic approach.
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You have to make up your mind that you're going to do things that are going to take care of your mind, your body and your spirit.
00:21:40.714 --> 00:21:41.596
I'll tell you a story.
00:21:41.596 --> 00:21:50.083
Not too long ago, I posted a picture of myself in a group where there are like over 400,000 women over 50.
00:21:50.083 --> 00:21:54.074
I had no idea it was that number until later and it was just.
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Once again.
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It was just nothing but intuition.
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Holy Spirit said go here and post this picture.
00:21:58.138 --> 00:22:13.936
It was a picture of me just sitting with my hair all over my head Okay, I had not done my hair and I didn't have much makeup on and I was just taking some moments of quiet and I talked about the importance of just taking five minutes a day and not doing anything.
00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:40.076
Not even listening, not even trying to meditate or anything, just sitting, and that's what I was doing when I took that picture, and it just so happens that it was at the time of day where the light is perfect for a picture, you know, it just came picture, so I posted it and about, I think, maybe less than four or five days or like 1500 comments about, not so much about what I said about the peace thing, but they were like what do you do for your skin?
00:22:40.076 --> 00:22:41.519
Thank you.
00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:51.193
And so, as a result of all of that, I put together this course on holistic skincare and it reminded me of some things.
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It's not that what I put on my skin is that big of a deal.
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I mean, I don't use any particular brand any longer.
00:22:58.162 --> 00:23:03.455
I create my own stuff right out of the kitchen cabinet, but it's the other things that I do.
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What I do for myself spiritually, what I do for myself mentally, what I do for myself or my body I do for myself mentally, what I do for myself for my body it all feeds into the fact that that's the reason why my skin looks that way.
00:23:14.103 --> 00:23:18.356
So many times we're looking for a quick fix what pill can I take?
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What makeup can I put on?
00:23:19.875 --> 00:23:23.881
What quick diet plan can I do to get to this place?
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But the reality is it took us a very long time, most of our lives, to get into the situation of where we are now good, bad or indifferent.
00:23:32.137 --> 00:23:39.855
So if you want to change it it's going to take a little while to change it, so why not change it with the approach of approaching things holistically?
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That way, nothing gets left through the cracks and the end result is something really wonderful, because normally, prior to our midlife, let's say, we're living life in such a fast pace that we're not even thinking about breaking things down.
00:23:53.842 --> 00:23:57.340
But this is the time to begin to break things down.
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And as you make a lifestyle change, how can you approach that lifestyle change mentally?
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How can you approach it spiritually?
00:24:03.750 --> 00:24:06.259
How can you approach it physically, body-wise?
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And all those things work together for your ultimate good.
00:24:10.974 --> 00:24:15.115
That's why I love talking to you, because you talk about all those kinds of things.
00:24:15.115 --> 00:24:24.959
And when you look back over the years, what kinds of resources and things have you used to get you to your philosophy of life and living holistically?
00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:26.961
Oh, my.
00:24:27.142 --> 00:24:38.855
Well, you know, I would say, probably realizing that I couldn't do it all on my own, getting help and being able to have people who were coaches in different aspects of life.
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You know, I have more years behind me than in front of me, but I'm hoping that the Lord has me here for a much longer time.
00:24:46.039 --> 00:24:59.415
And when I came to the understanding that I don't have to be the expert in all things, I just need to connect with those resources who are able to help me with where I want to get to be.
00:24:59.415 --> 00:25:08.631
And so you know, that brings me to that other, that next dimension of wellness, which is the social wellness, and that deals with our personal and professional relationships.
00:25:08.631 --> 00:25:13.064
That deals with our personal and professional relationships.
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If I have a goal, personally, that I want to achieve, then it's up to me to reach out to those professionally, who are experts in those areas, just like people reach out to me in different capacities.
00:25:21.828 --> 00:25:38.354
And so, you know, even as multi-talented as you are and this amazing business that you've created for yourself, you've touched bases with individuals in your same sphere of influence, but also folks that had expertise in areas that you were developing.
00:25:38.354 --> 00:25:51.012
And so what inspired you to develop that social well-being network between personal and professional relationships to achieve your dream, because that's what was inspiring to me when I met you on Clubhouse.
00:25:52.101 --> 00:26:00.863
You know, I think, because I had this idea of what I wanted to do and didn't know, didn't have a clue.
00:26:00.863 --> 00:26:09.634
And I am not kidding, I am not blowing smoke when I tell you I did not have a clue of what I really wanted to do and had no expertise in wellness.
00:26:09.634 --> 00:26:11.058
I was in human resources.
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I didn't know anything about wellness.
00:26:12.723 --> 00:26:19.703
I wasn't a nutrition minor in college, but that was back in the stone age, when we were working on a tablet.
00:26:19.785 --> 00:26:21.730
Our form of a tablet was a stone tablet?
00:26:21.851 --> 00:26:26.969
okay, it wasn't any of that, it was just this feeling.
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So I had to reach out and ask for help.
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And it was so interesting.
00:26:31.980 --> 00:26:37.380
You know, sometimes you're on the right track when something serendipitous happens, and I'll tell you.
00:26:37.380 --> 00:26:43.301
What happened was I had an anxiety disorder and that's why I knew I could not go back to corporate America.
00:26:43.301 --> 00:26:44.204
It was just too much.
00:26:44.204 --> 00:26:50.827
After 25 years, it was time for me to make a change, and I was going through depression as well, because I didn't know what I wanted to do next.
00:26:50.827 --> 00:26:51.951
But I knew I had to do something.
00:26:51.951 --> 00:26:54.564
I had kids getting ready to go to college and everything else.
00:26:54.564 --> 00:27:02.029
I was on my second marriage and my husband was like I married this woman making six figures and now she left that and she's doing what?
00:27:02.029 --> 00:27:04.781
Sitting in front of a computer, doing what?
00:27:05.403 --> 00:27:13.275
So anyway, I was talking to one of my childhood friends who knows me very well and she was very concerned because I just wasn't talking like the normal person.
00:27:13.275 --> 00:27:17.731
So she ordered for me some self-help books and some other things.
00:27:17.731 --> 00:27:20.983
It was like a self-care kit books and things and I'm looking through it.
00:27:20.983 --> 00:27:22.087
And I said where did you get this?
00:27:22.087 --> 00:27:23.404
And she said I ordered it online.
00:27:23.404 --> 00:27:26.086
And I said oh well, who did you order it from?
00:27:26.086 --> 00:27:26.749
She says you know what?
00:27:26.749 --> 00:27:35.560
It's such a coincidence.
