April 1, 2025
New Baby, New Rules: Grandparenting and Post partum Support for New Mothers
Welcoming a new baby into the family transforms everyone's lives—not just the parents. But what's your role as a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or sibling when that precious bundle arrives? Postpartum doula Foster Wilson guides us through this delicate family transition with wisdom that bridges generations.
Foster reveals that the most valuable contribution family members can make isn't what most expect. "Being of service in these early times helps build the bond with your child as they are transforming from woman to mother," she explains. "The bonding with your grandchild will certainly come, but those early weeks it's so important for mom to have her bonding with her child."
This conversation tackles the practical realities of modern family support systems. With families often separated by distance and grandparents working longer, Foster offers strategies for supporting new parents both in-person and from afar. She emphasizes understanding your personal strengths—whether cooking nutrient-dense meals, providing emotional support, or handling household tasks—and using them to genuinely serve the new family.
Foster encourages a mindset shift: while you may have experience with childbirth and parenting, your child is experiencing this for the first time. Being curious about their approach rather than imposing your own views creates space for their parenting journey. As she beautifully puts it, we need to create "circles of care" where the baby is at the center, the parents surround the baby, and extended family supports them all.
Whether you're preparing to welcome a grandchild or supporting a sibling through new parenthood, this episode offers invaluable guidance for nurturing not just the new baby, but the transforming family as a whole. Subscribe, like and share to help other families discover this wisdom!
Bio
Foster Wilson is a poet, author, and postpartum doula whose work bridges creativity, care, and connection. Her debut poetry collection, Afternoon Abundance: Poetry for Wild Souls, explores identity, spirituality, and the transformative journey of motherhood. With an award-winning career in independent film and a BFA from NYU Tisch School of the Arts, Foster brings a cinematic eye and a soulful perspective to everything she creates. As a doula, she supports birthing people through life’s most profound transitions, blending empathy with advocacy. A mother of two and contributor to The Drill Magazine, Foster is passionate about fostering authentic conversations on creativity, equity, and the human experience.
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00:00 - Supporting New Mothers From Afar
02:33 - Foster Wilson: Postpartum Doula Introduction
05:44 - Nutrient-Dense Foods for Postpartum Healing
08:29 - Finding Your Role as a Supportive Grandparent
12:13 - Intuition and Self-Care After Birth
17:38 - Building a Community of Postpartum Support
25:06 - Afternoon Abundance: Poetry for New Mothers
27:52 - Journaling Through Motherhood and Closing Thoughts
WEBVTT
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If you are far away from your child and, for whatever reason, aren't able to get there, how can you aid in that part of the transition if you're not physically there?
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But if you are visiting your child and you're like I love to cook, great, you can be of service in that way.
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If you're like I love to do laundry, great, that can be of service in that way.
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And being of service in these early times helps build the bond with your child as they are transforming from woman to mother, right, and the bonding with your grandchild will certainly come.
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But those early weeks it's so important for mom to have her bonding with her child right.
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So being of service and understanding what your skillset and doing what's going to fill you up in the process as well, that's really important too.
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Hi, I'm Linus Woods Mullins and I love to help women to vibe, to be more vibrant, intuitive, beautiful and empowered in their life.
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So come on, let's vibe.
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Hi and welcome to the Vibe Living Podcast.
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My name is Glennis and I am so excited to be here today.
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You know I have been traveling visiting my various grandchildren.
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I have six grandchildren, with one on the way, and I have four daughters, and it's so interesting because between the four daughters it's only two that have the six and I have other two that don't have any.
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But it kind of works as a great compliment when it comes to the sisters supporting each other.
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In fact, my daughters are very close in age ages 33 to 40, and everything in between and so the two that don't have children support the two that are having children.
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In fact, I just got a message from one of my daughters who is expecting like any minute now, that she had just received a car seat from her other sister who sent it to her, and the other sister that doesn't have children sitting a stroller.
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So that's kind of all how it works the family, the dynamics in my family, and I feel really fortunate about that.
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But what about the other kinds of dynamics that can exist as a result of being a new grandparent or being, maybe, a sibling whose sibling is having a child.
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How can you support them and what kinds of things you need to be looking out for.
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That's why I'm so excited to have with us today Foster Wilson.
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Foster Wilson is all things maternity, quite frankly.
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She's a poet, she's a writer and she's also a postpartum doula and we're going to get into what that means and she definitely works on bridging creativity and care and transformation.
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And, after going through some rediscovery in her own life and finding her own voice, she has emerged as a part-time single mom, co-parenting her two children, and also she's on this journey of self-worth and self-discovery and she helps women do the same thing, especially as they go through their maternity process.
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But today in particular, I wanted to talk with her a little bit about what it's like for everybody else in the family someone like me the grandmother, the grandfather and also, specifically, maybe, the siblings and the overall family what it's like to go through this process and how we can add value to this process.
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So, foster, welcome to the Vibe Living Podcast.
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It's wonderful to have you here today.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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I couldn't be more excited to talk about this topic with you.
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I love your energy and really let's get into all things postpartum and what do we do with these family members who've had babies?
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And there's just so much to explore here.
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Well, you know, it's interesting because, for me, I had four, and they were all very close together, and I did most of them without my mother because she was killed in a car accident at the age of 56.
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And at that time I had two children and one that was just six weeks, and then I went through a pregnancy without her.
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So I've had both experiences pregnancy with her and without her, and it was really interesting, very, very different.
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And one thing I promised myself when it came to my children is that I would be there for them during delivery and be there for them in terms of helping to raise them, and as an entrepreneur and a woman of, I would say, a certain age I'll be 68 in June it can be exhausting.
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So what's your advice for the women out there who are listening to this podcast, who are getting ready to be grandmothers or who already are grandmothers, of how they can balance this and still support their children when it comes to delivering in their pregnancies?
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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
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So I'll just start by saying I am a postpartum doula, which a lot of people may be familiar with.
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Doula work, especially when it comes to birth.
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It's a support person for labor and delivery.
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I work only as a support person after birth.
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So my job is to come in and help new families transition their life from either no children to having being a family of three now, or sometimes adding an additional child to their family, which, as you know, adding more children is more complicated and it's not just oh yeah, adding more children is more complicated and it's not just oh yeah, we've done this before.
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It adds a really new dynamic to the family.
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So my job is physical support and emotional support for this family after birth, and a lot of the families I work with in LA often are here and their families are on the other coast or they're in another country.
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They don't have a lot of that community support and family support.
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So I come in and I really apply my principles of care to helping nourish and nurture this family, educate them a little bit and also help them get their wings and get ready to fly after six or eight weeks, and so the principles that I really lean into are, of course, rest and recovery.
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Whoever gave birth, however they gave birth, there is a huge portal that opened spiritually, mentally, physically, and there's a great amount of rest and recovery.
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It's a radical rest, I call it.
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It's a rest like no other time you've ever had in your life and really try to work with families to help them slow down and move at this pace of the of the newborn, who is sleepy and very needy and has lots of of care, right.
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So the mother is caring for this newborn, the father, the other partner as well, and I am caring for that person who just gave birth.
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So we've got rest, we've got nourishment really nutrient dense foods, warm, healing foods, that and I wait on my families, right, I'm like I'm going to you, stay there, I'm going to bring you the food to you, I'm going to bring you tea and all of these things for nourishing your body and, of course, community care as well, and so that's partially me, but also who is in their community supporting them?
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And now that's when family, grandparents, aunts and uncles can come in and support as well.
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You mentioned about the importance of rest and sometimes, especially as grandparents, if you are far away from your child and, for whatever reason, aren't able to get there.
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How can you aid in that part of the transition if you're not physically there?
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Yeah, it's a great question.
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I think you can utilize your skills.
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I think it's important for you to know who you are and what you are good at.
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If you're great at emotional support, make yourself available for a phone call or a FaceTime, not just to see the baby, but also how's your child doing?
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How are they handling this transition?
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We have no idea what someone else is going through.
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And also, birth can be beautiful and it can also have trauma involved in it and sometimes that's hard to talk about.
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So if you are a safe space or a safe person for your child, you can just be emotionally available, active, listening for whatever they've got going on, hear them out.
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The lack of sleep is really hard.
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Yes, you've been there before.
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You understand.
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But also her experience is unique to her.
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Why is that more challenging for her, perhaps?
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Or how involved is her partner?
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How can you help navigate those dynamics?
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Just really being open and curious to her experience of being a safe space for her emotionally, I think can be really valuable from far away.
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And also you mentioned also about being nutrient dense, and I think that's important, because maybe there's some things that those siblings and grandparents out there are listening to this and say what does that mean?
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Or how can I help add value when it comes to maybe gently advising or prodding to make sure they're eating the right things?
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First of all, what do you mean by nutrient dense, and could you give us some examples of the kinds of things that we should maybe be advising on or suggesting when we're talking to our employees?
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Yeah, absolutely Think of postpartum as like what do you need when you are sick at home, right?
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So when your body is healing and recovering, you actually need warm foods because if it's too cold cold processed foods, salads, juices, things like that your body has to work to heat them up to body temperature in order to digest them.
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So if we already give our clients, our family members, warm foods like soups and stews and things that are already partially cooked, like roasted vegetables, things that are stewed, that is very easy on the digestive system and it really helps your body use its energy for healing as opposed to for digestion.
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So I end up cooking a lot of veggies and protein, good fats for my clients.
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That can be bone broth, that can be coconut milk, avocado, things like that and I'm using all of this in soups and stews and roasting it.
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So providing the person with those foods if you're far away, ordering them food right or or giving them a gift card to a place that's got stuff like that that can be delivered or, you know, helping organize a meal train, of course is really really vital and they can get.
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I always focus on high, high nutrient vegetables and proteins and fats.
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Those are really really important nut butters and things like that as well.
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I love that idea and it's interesting because not all grandmothers are remote, but the chances of them being remote can be very high these days with people moving to certain places, and it's a lot different than it used to be, maybe 60 years ago, where families were kind of close together or where the plan was that when the baby came the mother would always be there.
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Now mothers are working longer, have always worked outside the home, and so maybe they're not in a place where they can take that kind of concerted time off perspective.
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What kinds of things can you tell mothers and their support families and things they can focus on to kind of keep them uplifted and not to get down during this process because they're not actually physically there?
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Oh yeah, it's so hard, isn't it Right?
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We do.
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We live all over the country and I know I lived across the coast, on the other coast from my mom, when I was having my kids, and my mom did come out and visit, of course, and spent a lot of time in service of me, but it is, it's a, it's a balance.
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I think it's important for grandparents, aunts, uncles, things like that, to recognize.
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You know what is my role here, what kind of grandparent do I want to be and also, what do I want to, how do I want to be of service to my child?
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Again, I want to emphasize that that we have been through this before as mothers, but our child is learning these things for the first time, right, and they have their own ideas.
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So, really being open and curious to 30 years later, 40 years later, how are they going to raise their kids and being interested in learning.
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What's your parenting philosophy and kind of leaning into that.
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I also want to say, if we understand our skill set as a human being, you know I am someone who I love listening and being emotionally supportive, right, but if you are visiting your child and you're like I love to cook, great, you can be of service in that way.
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If you're, like I, love to do laundry, great, that can be of service in that way.
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And being of service in these early times helps build the bond with your child as they are transforming from woman to mother right, and the bonding with your grandchild will certainly come, but those early weeks it's so important for mom to have her bonding with her child right.
00:12:29.318 --> 00:12:38.410
So being of service and understanding what your skillset and doing what's going to fill you up in the process as well, that's really important too.
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You know you mentioned a lot.
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You talk a lot about spirituality and how sometimes that's one of the things that could kind of fall off during this process.
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What do you mean by that?
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I think we are in for mothers.
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We are in survival mode in this time.
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Right, you're just trying to figure out your basic needs and your child's basic needs and there's not a lot of time and there's not a lot of space for quiet reflection and awareness.
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Sometimes I will, oftentimes I will, when I'm working with a family, give them this mother like would you like 15, 20 minutes?
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I'll take the baby for you.
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Will you go do something that really fills you up?
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What is it?
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Is it meditating?
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Is it taking a long hot shower that you haven't had in a couple of days?
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Is it, you know, if they're in a place of healing where they can walk around the block and just be in fresh air for a little bit, slowly, of course, if that's what they need.
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If they can't walk around the block yet, sitting by an open window and just listening to the birds and watching the trees and listening to the wind, right that reconnecting with nature and with spirit and whatever that means to you.
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We forget that in the throes of I haven't eaten and I'm starving and my boobs are leaking and all of the things, right.
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We forget the reconnection part and we have to reconnect to ourselves because, as mothers, we give so much of ourselves to our children and sometimes we end up spent at that and we forget who we are right.
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I think that's important at any age, at any stage.
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What about the mother who is not?
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This is not her first child, this is not her second child.
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She already has two or three children.
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Maybe this is the third or fourth child.
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Where do you come in in terms of assisting them from that perspective?
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That's a really good question.
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I mean, I have not worked with a mother of four yet, so that would be my that's next on my list.
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But that's really challenging, right?
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Because I think what happens, at least for me when I had my second, is not just the physical and emotional space but also the brain space of trying to hold all the needs of all your children and you just completely forget about your own.
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I had a client one time it was her third and she really thought that I should.
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First she thought I should come when all of the kids were there to try to give her an extra set of hands, and then what she realized was no, when my two older kids go off to preschool, I want you here just with me and the baby, because it could give me actually the peace of mind.
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I need that two hour nap and I wake up and the house is tidy again and there's food for me and soup and like that's what I need.
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So everybody's different in that regard, but what 10, 15 minute little bit of time can you take to fill yourself up again, to give?
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to all those children, all of those things.
00:15:32.951 --> 00:15:45.197
And you know, it's interesting too because, as I mentioned earlier, we do have midlife women who are listening to this podcast, and many of them might be having their first child at like, let's say, 45.
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What kind of special considerations do you think they should take in contemplation when it comes to the aftermath of having a child?
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Is there anything that should be done differently because they are a little bit older?
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I think what the beautiful thing about older women having children is.
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They know themselves really well and I have worked.
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One of my clients was 45 when she had her baby and she just knew what her body needed.
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It was such a gift.
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I think a lot of people don't.
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They've never listened to their body before.
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They don't really know the idea of rest is really new to them.
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She really knew.
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She was like I need this time.
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I need more rest than the average mother, perhaps, or, you know, than the average person.
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And she really invested in herself.
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She invested in her support system and she what she did was what she.
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This is her phrase and I'm going to steal it and use it because it's so brilliant.
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She said I'm investing in my future vitality and she really did that.
00:16:48.682 --> 00:16:50.767
Ladies, are you ready to vibe your life?
00:16:50.767 --> 00:16:59.613
The Vibe Wellness Woman Network is your go-to space for holistic health, empowerment and community, created just for women over 40.
00:16:59.613 --> 00:17:11.632
Inside you'll find expert-led workshops, wellness challenges and exclusive coaching, and a sisterhood that supports your journey to being vibrant, intuitive, beautiful and empowered.
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Join today and get access to fitness tips, spiritual renewal, menopause support and more all designed to help you thrive in midlife and beyond.
00:17:21.180 --> 00:17:26.940
Visit thevibewellnesswomannetworkcom and start your journey to wellness today.
00:17:26.940 --> 00:17:30.634
I love that Investing in your future.
00:17:30.634 --> 00:17:44.454
Vitality, which is really forward thinking but also shows wisdom, and that might be the difference between a really young mom and someone who's a little older, because you can't help, but hopefully, as you age, garner wisdom.
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There's nothing that can replace life experience.
00:17:47.301 --> 00:17:53.011
I mean, you know no shade on people who are in their twenties, but let's face it, honey, you haven't lived a long time yet.
00:17:53.352 --> 00:17:54.615
I know you think you know a lot?
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I know you think you do, but when you get to?
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I believe that when you get to about 50 is when you begin to realize how much you really don't know, More so when you're in your 60s.
00:18:04.317 --> 00:18:11.922
But with all of that comes life experience and the idea of wisdom and having some discernment.
00:18:11.922 --> 00:18:15.251
And you mentioned something that was very interesting that I think is really important.
00:18:15.251 --> 00:18:21.604
No matter what your age is, where do you think intuition kicks in in terms of understanding what your needs are?
00:18:22.650 --> 00:18:24.518
Intuition comes in all along the way.
00:18:24.518 --> 00:18:29.481
It comes in from the very beginning when you're talking about conception and how you're going to go about it.
00:18:29.481 --> 00:18:32.346
People conceive in so many different ways.
00:18:32.346 --> 00:18:39.463
Now, right, Lots of clients who have babies via IVF and they're all along even that process.
00:18:39.463 --> 00:18:48.041
If let's talk about IVF because a lot of older women are utilizing IVF and different fertility treatments there are a lot of choices within that.
00:18:48.041 --> 00:18:55.261
Right, there's a lot of different choices and different points of the process, and your doctor may say this we want to do this.
00:18:55.261 --> 00:19:01.150
Next, you also need to check in with your own intuition and say what do I think I need next?
00:19:01.150 --> 00:19:07.337
I actually want one more round of this treatment before I go to that treatment, and that's okay too, right?
00:19:09.531 --> 00:19:19.271
We as wiser women, right, we know that the authority is not always going to lead us and we don't have to listen to them necessarily.
00:19:19.271 --> 00:19:26.338
Of course, if it's medically advisable, there are certain things to listen to, but we can say, okay, that's one opinion, but my intuition is something else.
00:19:26.338 --> 00:19:34.982
And so, following that all along the way, throughout pregnancy as well, we're innately intuitive.
00:19:34.982 --> 00:19:38.358
When we're pregnant, right, we understand what my body needs to eat.
00:19:38.358 --> 00:19:40.977
Our body's very clear they crave this.
00:19:40.977 --> 00:19:41.759
I avoid this.
00:19:41.759 --> 00:19:46.122
Or you have so many food aversions because your body's telling you and we listen.
00:19:46.122 --> 00:19:51.682
And then also, we know intuitively when it's time to birth right.
00:19:51.710 --> 00:19:52.491
And our body?
00:19:52.491 --> 00:20:03.690
If the hands are out of the way and we let this person give birth, they automatically intuitively know what their body needs.
00:20:03.690 --> 00:20:07.873
If we just let them move and find different positions right, there's support all along the way.
00:20:07.873 --> 00:20:15.330
But as medical professionals and doulas, we also want to get out of this person's way and let them do what they do best, and they don't.
00:20:15.330 --> 00:20:20.423
They've never done it before, but that's their intuition coming through, and I think that's true in postpartum as well.
00:20:20.423 --> 00:20:21.333
What do I need today?
00:20:21.333 --> 00:20:24.547
Well, I often ask my clients what's our priority today?
00:20:24.547 --> 00:20:25.108
What are you feeling?
00:20:25.108 --> 00:20:27.476
They're like a nice hot shower, Great, Fantastic.
00:20:27.476 --> 00:20:30.021
And then we see what from there, what the next feeling is.
00:20:37.269 --> 00:20:37.768
We don't have to plan it all out.
00:20:37.768 --> 00:20:37.978
Do you need a nap now?
00:20:37.978 --> 00:20:38.407
No, I really need some food.
00:20:38.407 --> 00:20:40.053
Fantastic, now, how long do you work with your clients?
00:20:40.053 --> 00:20:41.123
Do you work for like the first couple of weeks, or six months?
00:20:41.050 --> 00:20:42.021
or how do you set that up Usually?
00:20:42.021 --> 00:20:44.044
Yeah, usually it's six to eight weeks.
00:20:44.044 --> 00:20:47.987
I don't work past 12 weeks with clients.
00:20:47.987 --> 00:20:53.951
I try to really get them through that fourth trimester, if you will, and then after that the support is more.
00:20:53.951 --> 00:20:59.343
That would turn into the support of baby and nanny if they're still looking for support or some household support.
00:20:59.343 --> 00:21:01.617
But yeah, first six to eight weeks typically.
00:21:02.631 --> 00:21:06.402
And is your focus more on the mother or is your focus on the child or both?
00:21:07.270 --> 00:21:12.222
My focus is really on the person who just gave birth, the mother birthing person.
00:21:12.222 --> 00:21:29.875
It is on the whole family and I do newborn care but as it supports the parent right, she needs to take a nap and she needs what's called protected rest, where she's not having to listen out for babies gurgling in there you know they cry in their sleep sometimes and all of that and it keeps you on alert.
00:21:29.875 --> 00:21:31.556
She needs two hours of rest.
00:21:31.556 --> 00:21:36.071
Then we're going to have baby in the room with me and she's going to have a private space.
00:21:36.071 --> 00:21:40.136
But I'm also supporting the partner and there's very unique partner support.
00:21:40.136 --> 00:21:41.220
That's needed.
00:21:41.329 --> 00:21:47.349
It's helpful for the partner because there's so many I work with so many wonderful partners who are so involved.
00:21:47.349 --> 00:21:58.377
They are up all night with a baby doing night doula work right, and they're really invested and supportive and they also need to fill their cup right.
00:21:58.377 --> 00:22:06.817
This is the circles of care this newborn's at the center and mother and father, or both parents, whatever the gender, are supporting this baby.
00:22:06.817 --> 00:22:12.849
And then I come in and also family and friends and we support this whole little new family.
00:22:12.849 --> 00:22:18.214
We cocoon them and nurture them and do whatever is necessary to keep them nourished and healed.
00:22:19.236 --> 00:22:26.710
Now, do you work in conjunction with the traditional medical staff that's involved in the care of the mother and daughter, or is this something totally separate?
00:22:27.134 --> 00:22:44.297
It's totally separate, but I will say that I have referrals for lots of other practitioners so I work in conjunction typically with lactation consultants so I may bring in I do a lot of education if that person is going to feed from their body or bottle feed or some hybrid.
00:22:44.297 --> 00:22:46.444
We work in conjunction with lactation.
00:22:46.444 --> 00:22:54.787
Sometimes the highest form of lactation consultant is called an IBCLC, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.
00:22:54.787 --> 00:22:56.436
They have a lot of training.
00:22:56.436 --> 00:23:00.006
They are medical professionals but they usually do in-home care.
00:23:00.006 --> 00:23:08.240
So we may consult with an IBCLC to come in for a session or two to troubleshoot any early feeding issues.
00:23:08.240 --> 00:23:23.467
If there's tongue ties, there's latch issues a little bit above, outside of my pay grade, right, I am not a medical professional and then in the hospital setting birth, doulas also work alongside the doctors but they're not medical professionals either.
00:23:23.487 --> 00:23:26.614
I also work alongside the doctors, but they're not medical professionals either.
00:23:26.614 --> 00:23:36.019
And then I will also resource within my community if the person needs massage therapy, acupuncture, chiropractic work.
00:23:36.019 --> 00:23:42.170
There are some chiropractors who work specifically with postpartum people and newborns that can help adjust babies on latch issues and things like that.
00:23:42.170 --> 00:23:44.402
So it's a really it's a community of support, but we just we all work issues and things like that.
00:23:44.402 --> 00:23:48.332
So it's a really it's a community of support, but we just we all work independently and refer each other.
00:23:48.332 --> 00:23:50.038
That's beautiful.
00:23:50.077 --> 00:23:53.287
And I was thinking in terms of people who are listening to this podcast.
00:23:53.287 --> 00:23:57.086
They're all over the world and they're probably thinking, wow, I would love something like that.
00:23:57.086 --> 00:23:57.977
Can she work with me?
00:23:57.977 --> 00:24:03.346
Do you ever work with people virtually at all, or is this definitely a hands-on thing?
00:24:10.954 --> 00:24:12.077
You know, I work pretty much hands-on in home.
00:24:12.077 --> 00:24:24.938
What I'm working to develop is a kind of a course that someone could I could offer to people and they could walk through this course of learning what this postpartum period, what they might expect, and some you know ways for people to support this birthing person.
00:24:24.938 --> 00:24:31.361
They can send this video or audio course to a family member to say, like, these are the things that will be really helpful to me.
00:24:31.361 --> 00:24:35.159
These are some areas which I think you it would really play to your strengths.
00:24:35.159 --> 00:24:37.586
Here's how you could support me and all of that.
00:24:37.586 --> 00:24:42.761
And then I could consult virtually one-on-one just for troubleshooting different things.
00:24:42.761 --> 00:24:43.462
With newborns.
00:24:43.462 --> 00:24:46.067
Everybody's different Every baby, that's true.
00:24:46.807 --> 00:24:48.569
There is one way that you can help virtually.
00:24:48.569 --> 00:24:59.057
I know you have this wonderful book called Afternoon Abundance, which is a book of poetry that you wrote based upon some of your own personal experiences and just the whole overall human experience.
00:24:59.057 --> 00:25:03.708
Tell us a little bit about that and how that kind of intersects with what it is that you do now.
00:25:04.295 --> 00:25:05.016
Sure, yeah.
00:25:05.016 --> 00:25:07.498
So my book is called Afternoon Ab becoming a mother.
00:25:07.498 --> 00:25:43.250
I also had a late-term loss between my two living children and then I divorced and became a single mother and as I continue to age and grow wiser which I love aging I really struggled with like what is my identity in this world and how do I identify myself?
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